a rather specific yet vague and intense fantasy

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I was trying to imagine what kind of performance work I might make if everything in and around the collaborative performance work I currently make were to completely collapse. If I were to no longer be part of a company, no longer have ongoing collaborators, if I was no longer invited to participate in the international cultural circuit. Which always leads me toward a rather specific yet vague and intense fantasy: that I could then suddenly do all of the things that – for whatever reason – I don’t feel I’m currently able to do. And I imagine something almost completely underground. Almost completely invisible and illegible. No publicity. No profile. Somebody tells you that someone they don’t really know heard there might be something happening tonight. And they give you an address. It sounds intriguing, and you have nothing better to do, so you decide to give it a try. When you get there it’s dark, hardly any streetlights, but you sense something and hear faint sounds at the end of a long alleyway. The building itself is hard to decipher, somewhere between a large shack and a four car garage. Really rough around the edges. Not exactly dirty but definitely not clear. When you find your way inside there are some people doing things. It’s difficult to entirely know who is a performer and who is simply an audience member like you. Or if the performance has even started yet. You don’t recognize any of the artists and have absolutely no idea who the work is by, if it’s by anyone. I don’t even really have any idea what would happen or what the performance would be like. Things would happen all around you and you would find yourself wondering what it was all about. But the situation would be so strange, so unlike what you were used to when you go to see a show at a theatre or a gallery. And for some reason you would always remember it even though you would never really figure out just exactly what it was. (Of course I have absolutely no idea how I would pay for any of this.)



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